Bittersweet

Just like life, there are sweet and sour moments when you travel. Sometimes all the stars seem to get together and light up your life and some other times you wonder: what the heck am I doing here?

Traveling is like living with steroids; everything happens much faster, concentrated and you do not have much time to rect. Situations that you would never encounter in your home country, now you need to face. For good and for bad.

I personally love change and challegences. But, let’s be realistic. There are times when you need some stability and times when you do not need to prove yourself anymore. When you are tired and you just want to let the water take you. It gets exhausting making so many decisions, planning ahead, organizing. You just want to curl up, stop the time and breath deeply.

Sometimes you are at the mercy of the weather, other times at the mercy of a friend or someone who you just met. You have not much control on the situation and you need to either deal with it or stand up and turn around. It is hard to make last minute decisions but even more disappoint others. Every decision affects others in one way or another. You love a place and you would like to stay longer but you already have committed to visit a friend or volunteer with an agency and like it or not, flow with the wind is not an option.

Balance is tricky, the scale is never in the middle. It is the fight between right and wrong. Between what you would like and what you must do. Between you and others.

There are so many interesting possibilities but they are so interconnected that you can not have them all. Every choice implies a yes to an option and a no to another one. We can not have it all like selfish babies, and we need to be ok with it. Pay the price for what we choose to leave aside and for the choices that did not turned out well.

Too many expectations are not good. None and nothing will fulfill you if your expectations are too high. However, not expecting is a difficult art to master. Emptying yourself from needs and feelings is “supossuly” a synonyme of the maximum happiness but we are not all spiritual monks who devote their lives to that only goal. In the meantime, we, regular humans, need to feel the stab when our dreams or expectations disappear in front of our eyes.

The feeling of not having roots is usually exciting and liberating but other times, you feel that you are not building anything: no relationships, no dreams, no projects.

Where are you heading to? Is there any goal? Any direction? Sometime you just feel like a boat in the middle of the ocean with no land in sight.

Later the waves calm down and somehow a little star guides you, you still do not know where to but you follow it.